New Car Seat Safety Guidelines for Toddlers

I read with interest an article posted on Parenting magazine that indicated children under age 2 should remain in rear-facing car seats!  I suppose if your children were used to it, that might work well, but it sure was difficult keeping my child rear facing.

In a new American Academy of Pediatrics statement published in the April 2011 issue of Pediatrics, it is now advised that parents keep toddlers in rear-facing car seats until age two, or until they exceed the height or weight limit for their individual car seat.

• A 2007 study in the journal Injury Prevention found that children under age two are 75 percent less likely to die or to be severely injured in a crash if they are rear-facing.
• Another study found riding rear-facing to be five times safer than forward-facing.

What will you do with your child? Will you flip them to forward facing at 20 pounds or age one or will you head the new guidelines of waiting until age 2?

How Do You Help Your Child Get A Positive Outlook?

My son has had a rough start in his first grade year. As parents we often wonder "It's first-grade what's to worry about?" However he's struggling with reading, making it less enjoyable for him. Everyone is pushing him all the time to read. We've hired a tutor for one on one time, found out he needed reading glasses and more, but the reading is just coming hard for him. I often find him saying "I want to be back in Kindergarten" and "I hate school." So what is a parent to do?

I have forbidden him from saying he hates school, and instead have encouraged him to express his feelings otherwise. We've even begun a mother-son journal so that he can write his frustrations, feelings or whatever he wants.

Now I'm considering the power of beginning each day with positive affirmations. Kind of like this child.

How do you support a healthy self-esteem for your child? Are there ways that you begin each day that help? As parents, what have you done to help your child get over a rough bump?

Tonight: Parents Learn About The Benefits of Reading To Your Child

I am realizing more and more that my son is struggling some with his language development skills this year, specifically reading. He just has little to no interest in reading. As both my husband and I are avid readers, this has been a challenge we are facing together. We know that reading to our children as they grow can provide a lifetime of benefits - Everything from having good solid readers, to happy readers, to readers that do well in school! There is help for other parents facing the same or similar situations though.

Tonight at Bryant Community Center (3 West Eden Court, Ann Arbor 48108) from 6:00 - 8:00 p.m. parents can participate in a FREE Parent University with Dr. Patricia A. Edwards, Professor of Language & Literacy at Michigan State University. Dr. Edwards will discuss the benefits of reading to your child while highlighting the successes of parents who have developed a summer reading program with their children.The program will feature an open dialog between Dr. Edwards and parents with questions.

When "We Time" Trumps "Me Time"

It was one of those days that I dread. The kids are misbehaving, we’ve had a particularly long and tiring weekend, everyone is whiney, and mostly everyone, including me is out of sorts. It is one of those days when I call my husband to request that he “leave on time” instead of being late; It’s really his long commute that is the challenge, if he doesn’t leave on-time, he arrives home almost at the point where the kids are getting ready for bed. This leaves me with little to no daylight hours. Typically I want to get to bed at that point as well.

On this particular sunny 65-degree afternoon in April, I decided I wanted, no needed to walk the woods in search of the elusive morel mushrooms that should be beginning to pop up. That’s not to say I am an expert hunter, frankly I’ve never found or even tasted one, it’s really just the process of walking throughout the quiet woods “in search of” – I really don’t even care if I find one, but getting out into the quiet woods can be therapeutic after a rough day.

At 5:30 the phone rings. I can tell by the area code who is calling and dread picking up the phone. It is my husband. He tells me he’ll likely leave a little later than 6:00 – Which means he gets home when the kids are getting ready for bed. There goes my walk.

The kids hear my discussion with him and insist they want to go for a walk. The woods are just too alluring to little people! I really don’t want to take them, however after some careful consideration I dress everyone in jeans and rubber rain boots and saddle up with all the necessities needed for the adventure. I figure at this point, if this is the only way I’m getting into the woods means taking them, I will acquiesce.

My latest favorite spot is close-by. Really we could have walked to it, however I know that would then prevent us from walking IN it. So we drive the mile and a half to the small dirt-covered parking lot which after our rain resembles a pig trough with an abundance of mud-puddles. The kids love this and dive out of the car to splash amongst the water bugs and mud sending sprays of muddy water in every direction including onto my face.

The park is mostly a mountain biker heaven, with dense wooded trails that have been cut among the trees; however I love that there is an abundance of wildlife and a diverse eco-system. I know that we can walk into wetlands, open fields, thick pine trees, on meandering paths along the pond or even among the towering hardwoods. This specific day however I had a plan of attack and two semi-willing accomplices.

As my children scurry ahead on the trail, splashing in every puddle along the way I smile. It was really a small smile, but it was like a sigh of relief or a breath of fresh air if you will. For some reason, as we veer off the path into the denser wooded area, my children become convinced that there are bears or other unforeseen monsters lurking nearby, ready to snap them up. This makes me laugh. Some careful cajoling on my part and the act of re-direction are put into place to change this however.

“What do you think the moss feels like when we step on it? What about when we touch it, is it soft?”

“Look at that interesting plant over there, it’s called a Jack-in-the-Pulpit.”

“Did you see that pretty moth?”

Before long, I am really enjoying myself. The air feels fresh and green in the muted forest. Muffled car engines can be heard driving along the nearby road; those noises however are drowned out by the birds singing and the snapping of twigs as we walk.

Then came that one special moment, the moment where we stepped into a bright forested area with a plush green carpeting of moss. I instantly though that if we looked hard enough we’d find magical toadstools with fairies fluttering by. The smells. The plants. And more importantly the moment in which we stood reminded me that having “me time” is important, however moments like this with my children are too precious to miss.

Free Lecture: Create a Healthy Family Life

I received notice of an upcoming lecture and seminar April 23-24, 2010 located at the Rudolf Steiner School of Ann Arbor. The first annual "The Years of Wonder” conference is open to parents, educators, homeschoolers and those individuals interested in creating an environment where young children can acquire skills, capacities and knowledge needed to live well in the world.

The overall conference will focus on enriching parenting skills, practices to foster vigorous brain development and creating a healthy, nurturing home environment!  There is also a FREE Friday night lecture “Love’s Other Name-Discipline”  and focuses on creating a healthy family life that supports intuitive discipline. Parents will take home skills to support their children’s well-balanced, broad-based learning, and thereby give these children treasures to last a lifetime.

Parenting Skills: Kids Need to Learn the Basics of Communications

I often remind myself that my young children are just begging to grasp communication basics; sometimes what I say does not make perfect sense and could possibly be taken out of context. This happens with adult conversations too – Even when speaking the same language. I hate to say it, but found myself needing to brush up on these same communication fundamentals recently.

The beauty of being an independent consultant is that I have the freedom to work when I want, where I want - The challenge though is sometimes one and the same. Mostly I complete projects from home, although I do on occasion work on-site for clients; In fact for the past few weeks I have been working on-site for a client.

Aside from finding someone to watch my children part-time, I also need someone willing to tote them back and forth to their respective schools. I found yet another challenge of working on-site upon returning to my normal “mommy-bus” schedule though; because I was not doing drop offs, I missed signing up to bring an item for my daughter’s Valentine’s Day party, and found myself stuck with bringing ice cream. I know that I could have found something much worse, however you need to imagine this scenario: Tracking though an obstacle course in the blazing desert heat while carrying a pint of ice cream across a tattered rope bridge that spans a harrowing ravine with crazed, hungry crocodiles at the bottom, all the while dodging rapid fire burning arrows that cause rather large chunks of your path to disintegrate (a.k.a. Sugar starved children and nasty winter roadways) - WITHOUT allowing the ice cream to melt. While this isn’t entirely my scenario, it is a bit difficult to get a frozen item to one school when I have to drop my son at his school first, then high-tail it over to my daughter’s preschool on the other side of town. Any ice cream would be out of the freezer for more than an hour thus creating a messy creamy soup.

I decided instead though to squeeze in a trip to the grocer after dropping my son and before taking my daughter to her school. I had noticed though, that when signing up the previous day, no one else had volunteered to bring the other half gallon, so before stopping I thought to call the teacher to ask if she needed me to get the other half gallon as well. This is how our conversation went:

“I’m going to stop for the ice cream; do you need me to get the other half gallon as well?”

“No we have lots of leftovers from the morning class and one of the other children signed up to bring the other half gallon.”

Pausing to consider our conversation and possibly a little confused, “So you don’t need ice cream then?”

“No we are good.”

I thought that was great since getting my daughter to the other side of town in time for class is always a time-challenge. When we arrived at school and stood with the other parents and children, the teacher popped her head out of the classroom and asked, “Does anyone have items they need to put in the freezer?” Of course, not having ice cream I didn’t respond, so she looked at me and asked “Where’s the ice cream.”

I must have looked blank, because she looked at me and verified that I had indeed signed up to bring ice cream. I explained that was the reason for my phone call, and after our conversation I understood that I didn’t need to bring any. Turns out she didn’t need me to get MORE ice cream, and I was thinking that she didn’t need me to GET any ice cream.

What I forgot is one of the principals of communication - I should have remembered to ask the clarification question: “Just so that I understand, do you want me to bring the half gallon I signed up for?” Which then would have likely been answered with “Yes please bring your half-gallon; we just don’t need an entire gallon of ice cream.” If this type of conversation can go awry within the adult world, what is it doing to my children?

So ask yourself this when speaking to your children or anyone else really. Does what I say make sense? Could what I say be taken out of context? What would be the ramifications if I am not clearly understood?

I lucked out this time, as the other mom actually brought both of the half-gallons of ice cream, next time though, if I am not clearly understood, I may find myself scrambling instead.

How Pop-Culture Shaped My Life

I ran across a couple of articles recently that made me stop and consider how pop culture has influenced me throughout my life. What is popular at the time, what things I adopt into my own lifestyle and even what I wear or what hairstyles I chose? It certainly has produced interesting photo opportunities for my parents which have proven quite painful when seeing my so called “cute” bowl-cut haircut (mom insists it was the Dorothy Hamill style, I'm pretty certain it was an unfortunate accident involving a bowl and curling iron!) and striped dropped waist sweatshirt dress with off the shoulder styling’s and leg warmers - Think Flashdance clothing for kids!

Pop culture takes on a whole new shape though as I age. Things that have always been in my life are fading away to be referred to as relics; Antiques of the past to be hidden away for future generations to wonder “What were they thinking” only to be found later tucked into a museum for future generation of children to say “Ooh that looks cool”. I find myself wondering though, what things of today will be remembered as something interesting? What images will my children grimace at when glancing at dated adolescent photos of themselves?

I have mentioned many times that I plan on being the type of parent that encourages through leading by example. In the case of pop-culture though, I’m just crazy enough to exploit some things I feel less exuberant about by gently urging my children NOT to do certain things, of course through leading by example. You want green/purple/red hair; see how cool mom looks with it! Does wearing baggy pants look enticing? What does mom look like with a pair of droopy, poopy-looking pants on the ground? Want to have some nasty-lyric song blaring throughout the house? I’m going to learn all the words and sing them loudly while it’s playing… I am moderately certain that what once seemed like a good idea will quickly be dismissed as something the “older generations have adopted”, and hopefully dissuade my children from jumping on the band-wagon adopting these often weird oddball fads.

In saying that though, I am also need to remember that these fads really don't matter much in the long run. Will allowing my child to temporarily paint his hair alter the person I am teaching him to be? Will allowing my daughter to have one too many holes in her ears turn her evil? It comes down to choosing my battles I suppose and teaching things that are really important to me. It also comes down to helping my children understand that some things considered cool may not be the best idea later in their lifetime. Will it injure them? Maybe just their pride, and quite possibly only when they glance at themselves in 40-or-so years and think, “What WAS I thinking?”

For me it's about teaching “respect”, respect for everything in life and how my children can learn to live within that realm. I will encourage my children to walk their own path in life and to hopefully walk to the beat of their own drummer. If they encourage some pop-icon that they choose to follow for a time though, that’s probably fine, however I’m hoping they’ll see some of the foolishness for what it is and choose their own unique path - It may not be the popular one, but it certainly makes for an interesting journey!

One Glove Wonder?

I must be the worst mom in the world tonight, or at least one that needs to re-examine disciplining her child and her own very bad reaction to a trivial problem - I actually yelled, very loudly and in a not-so-nice way, at my son for loosing a glove. A glove!

I should say though, that after my son’s break-down just last week over loosing one of his new Iron Man gloves, I thought he’d have learned a lesson. (Loosing a pair of gloves a week is getting expensive!) This entire school year I have been drilling home that his gloves and hat need to go into, and stay, in his backpack when they aren’t on his hands. So why this should even have been an issue. He’s old enough to know better. His crying and carrying on last week over this glover were terrible! I thought that telling him not to worry, since a single Iron Man glove would be of little interest to anyone, however since the lost and found box has yet to belch out the afore-mentioned single missing glove, I now have to wonder if there was another little boy missing HIS Iron Man glove… But I digress.

This post is about discipline, both mine and his. It’s also about teaching a child how to care for their own things and about handling the repercussions when they don’t.

I have been asking my son to keep everything in his backpack since the start of school. I have also told him that HE is responsible for his own backpack and lunch bag, however I may have set a bad example when the dog ate through both the backpack and the lunch bag when my son did not listen, and left his bag out where the dog could get at it. What did I do? Went right out and bought him a new backpack and lunch bag. I suppose I didn’t think about what message this would send my son, after all he needed both as the backpack and the lunch bag were beyond repair. But what does that say to a child? Don’t worry mom will just buy more, right? How would it have better been handled? He did pretty well too until the missing, well love glove incident of last week. Mostly though this is due to my constant reminder for him to be aware of his things.

Today as my son was emptying his backpack and yet again said the dreaded words, “Mom I lost a glove.” What makes this even worse is that it is actually 3 missing gloves since his (also new) Batman gloves were double-layered gloves that included two black full gloves with two fingerless gloves on top. I was going to suggest that from now on he would have to wear one Iron Man glove and the now single Batman glove, the problem is the remaining Batman glove is the fingerless one!

I told him that tomorrow he and his father would have to go out and buy two new pairs of gloves, with HIS money. I just can not discuss the gloves again. I still think I missed the mark though. My biggest concerns as a parent though are ‘why should missing one glove cause such an eruption of my emotions’ and more importantly, since it did, what will happen when my son truly does something “bad” and I get mad? I also need to consider him coming to me with his real issues; if I react so poorly won’t he choose to not come to me as a parent?

So here I am stuck between a rock and a hard place, and knowing fully well that I handle led the entire situation very poorly. I know I am not alone as there are at least 20 single gloves in the lost and found that would likely produce likewise unhappy parents, I just need to re-examine my own behavior over the missing glove incident tonight as well as how to handle my son’s need for new gloves.

If you have any thoughts or suggestions, I am currently reflecting upon some of the following questions:

- How do you teach your children to respect personal property?
- How do you teach a child the value of ‘things”?
- At what “age” should children be expected to be responsible for belongings?
- How do you discipline a child when something “necessary” is lost or damaged?

Local Seminar: How to Encourage Gratitude in Our Children

I have been thinking a lot about teaching my children to be more gracious in their lives, and as they are 3 and 5 it's the perfect age. That's why an announcement of this seminar came at the perfect timing; I thought my readers might be interested.

Thanks Alot - How to Encourage Gratitude in Our Children
Thursday, November 19, 6:30-8:30pm
Pattengill Media Center, Ann Arbor

How big of a deal is gratitude? Gratitude is a critical component in raising children who will have a balanced perspective, handle disappointment, be less likely to have a depression or an entitlement complex, be more able to have meaningful relationships, have more respect for themselves and others, grow up to be more responsible adults, and be more likely to actually be happy! This workshop delves into this vital parenting topic and offers insight, stories and ideas on how to help your child become and stay grateful throughout their lives. That's a pretty big deal!

This class is for adults only, please do not bring children.

Annie Zirkel, Parenting Consultant & Author. 1 class. $25* for Ann Arbor residents/ $30* non-residents. The cost of the class also includes a copy of the $11.95 book:
You'll Thank Me Later: A Guide To Nurturing Gratitude In Our Children (And Why That Matters)

To register call (734) 994-2300 ext. 0 M-F 8am-5pm, e-mail the program at registration@aaps.k12.mi.us or click here to visit the Seminar's page on the Ann Arbor Parks & Recreation Registration page.